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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23548012">erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehen</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_waves/pseuds/moon_waves'>moon_waves</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>hotel california [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rammstein</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sehnsucht Era, Self-Esteem Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:53:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,377</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23548012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_waves/pseuds/moon_waves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He had been crashing into one of the deep, dark corners of his mind when an unexpected hand took him out of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Till Lindemann/Christoph Schneider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>hotel california [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2247702</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyarisu/gifts">Nyarisu</a>.</li>

        <li>
          Translation into 한국어 available: 
            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29741793">구름이 잠결에 들 때는 (erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehen)</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solitary_Shadow/pseuds/Solitary_Shadow">Solitary_Shadow</a>
        </li>


    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I hope you'll like it darling 💕</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>He</em><em> was a fraud – a </em>fraud<em>, and people were bound to realize it, rather sooner than later, any day now, they would see, notice that he was just a puppet barely able to speak, that he didn’t have a place here, that it was a mistake, a terrible mistake, and losses would have to be cut, and cut short…</em></p><p>Rain was pouring down outside, a tumultuous noise that made it sound like the end of the world, hitting the windows so violently one would have to wonder, eventually, if the glass was going to break or not. The sky was darkened with clouds and every now and then a bolt of lightning would strike, illuminating the room for a brief second before it was plunged into darkness again.</p><p>He didn’t pay any attention to the storm raging outside, eyes staring on the ceiling of his hotel room without seeing it. The wooden floor was hard and uncompromising under his back, the carpet doing nothing to ease its firmness after hours – or so he thought, he had lost all measure of time – of lying on top of it, his mind a whirlpool of darkness.</p><p>
  <em>He had no place being here, it was an error, a giant, tragic mistake, and they would realize it, would soon see it, and throw him away, moving onto better perspectives without him…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Without him…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yes… </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It would be better without him, they would be better off without him, all of them, friends and fans alike, attached to a mirage, a mere illusion, an apparition coming to life between gasoline and fire, without anything to attach itself to, a dream…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A long-lost dream…</em>
</p><p>Thunder boomed outside and he thought he heard someone knocking on the door, but didn’t react, instead still staring at the ceiling.</p><p>There was a crack coming from the left corner, hidden in the darkness, but it was covering the whole length of the ceiling, a diagonal zigzagging all the way through until it reached the opposite corner – or so he thought, he couldn’t see the finish point from his position and moving away required energy.</p><p>Energy.</p><p>Nothing he had.</p><p>
  <em>He was a fraud – and good for nothing, nothing at all.</em>
</p><p>Lightning struck and a head surrounded by short, silver-dyed hair appeared in his field-of-view, before he felt more than he saw – nor heard, with the pouring rain raging outside – somebody crouching next to him, a surprised expression morphing into concern.</p><p>“Till.”</p><p>He didn’t say anything, kept his eyes on the ceiling, staring at the crack with tired eyes, mind buzzing, slugging through shifting sands, gripping onto every cog he could think of.</p><p>
  <em>“Till.”</em>
</p><p>His unexpected visitor moved next to him, sitting in a cross-legged position near his left arm before putting a hand on his shoulder, shaking him a little.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>The head moved closer to him, starting at him with squinted eyes, a firmer undertone to his voice, tugging at something deep inside of him.</p><p>“Did you take anything?”</p><p>
  <em>Maybe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe not.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn’t remember.</em>
</p><p>The visitor stared at him a bit longer in the darkness of the room before sighing and moving a little, then turning on the light on the nightstand. It flickered a little before dim light suddenly lit up the room.</p><p>He blinked, trying to get his eyes used to the change of lightning, still staring at the crack of the ceiling. He felt tired, and heavy, so heavy… but sleep was eluding him, of course – and it was as well, he didn’t want to come across the nightmares that had made themselves at home in his mind.</p><p>He was too tired for that.</p><p>He heard some more shuffling, the tell-tales sound of clothes rustling together as someone stood up and then moved in the room, picking up a bottle of vodka that had rolled down between the wardrobe and a small desk before putting it there, and then moving onto the bathroom. Cupboards were open and closed, water ran from the faucet before being turned off, and then his visitor came back to sit next to him, a glass of water in his hand.</p><p>“You should drink something.”</p><p>Still that <em>voice</em> – completely in control, but his body wasn’t responding to him.</p><p>He remained silent.</p><p>“Seriously, Till. Have you spent the whole afternoon lying on the floor?”</p><p>
  <em>Maybe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Had he really spent hours there already?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn’t tell.</em>
</p><p>“Till. Drink.”</p><p>The glass was forcibly pushed in his hand but his fingers remained limp, barely touching around the cold material. Sighing a little, his visitor shifted on his knees, one hand behind his neck to raise his head a little while the other brought the glass of water to his lips.</p><p>“Now, open up and drink,” he said, calm voice entirely in control.</p><p>A direct order – that much, he could manage, the tone tugging at his insides, taking control of him. He opened his lips a little, drinking slowly from the glass, suddenly realizing how thirsty he had been – his tongue was heavy and his lips felt as dry as parchment. His visitor waited until he was done before putting the glass on the nightstand and settling next to him again, one hand resting lightly on top of his shoulder.</p><p>Thunder boomed outside and he felt more than he saw his visitor turning his head to look by the window as lightning bolts danced briefly before disappearing. It seemed as if the sky had turned even darker, and the light flickered briefly for a short instant.</p><p>The hand was warm and heavy on his shoulder and he felt himself starting to come back to his body, his back suddenly reminding himself to him. He shivered a little, suddenly cold, before looking away, head turning in direction of the door. His visitor shifted back on his knees, grabbed the comforter on top of the bed and laid it over him, before patting him on the shoulder again.</p><p>Silence stretched between them until he closed his eyes.</p><p>“What’s the matter exactly?” the voice asked, curious, and he reopened his eyes, still staring at the crack on the ceiling.</p><p>Words wouldn’t come out.</p><p>He waited a little, to see if the other would react. Except for a gentle squeeze of the shoulder, there was nothing, so he shrugged a little before closing his eyes again.</p><p>“Okay. Should I get Richard?”</p><p>He felt a stab of pain through his heart at the name and shook his head again.</p><p>“Okay… did he say something?”</p><p>He shook his head again, suddenly wishing for nothing more than to be left in peace. Richard was – was a topic too painful at the moment, and through no fault of the guitarist at all, but he only meant to nurse his wounds in peace, away from enquiring eyes and calloused hands hanging onto him.</p><p>“So… you guys didn’t have a fight?”</p><p>Once more he shook his head.</p><p>“Okay. Okay. Hu… do you want me to stay or should I leave?”</p><p>He waited for a moment, trying to reassemble his thoughts together before licking his lips.</p><p>“You can stay,” he said in a voice rough with disuse.</p><p>Schneider’s face appeared right in front of him, something akin to relief on it.</p><p>“Oh, great,” he said simply.</p><p>He waited for a beat, then:</p><p>“I can still get Flake, if you want.”</p><p>The memory of the too-knowing eyes of their keyboardist came floating in Till’s mind and he shook his head once more.</p><p>He felt exhausted, all of a sudden – but more present now, and not just a void of darkness, floating here, drifting away until something could get him back on Earth.</p><p>“Fine,” Schneider mumbled before settling more comfortably next to him.</p><p>Well, behind him, if he was being honest – Schneider had decided to move between the nightstand and him, and was now sitting cross-legged, back leaning against the bed, one hand still on his shoulder.</p><p>His head hurt.</p><p>Thunder boomed outside and the light flickered again.</p><p>“Turn off the light please,” he mumbled, voice still rusty.</p><p>“Mmh? Oh, sure,” Schneider said quietly, before plunging the room into darkness.</p><p>The bed creaked a little when Schneider leaned against it again, but the sound was soon drawn out by the storm still raging outside. The pouring rain had intensified, if it was actually possible, and he looked by the window, squinting his eyes, trying to see anything outside.</p><p>There was no such luck.</p><p>“What happened?” Schneider finally asked after a long moment of silence.</p><p>Till slightly tilted his head back to look at him, an interrogative expression in his eyes.</p><p>“For you to end up on the floor,” Schneider went on, voice gentle but still with that steel undertone that kept raising him from the dark holes of his mind.</p><p>Till shrugged and moved back in his previous position. Schneider didn’t say anything over him, just put his hand in his hair and started petting it. It felt… nice, maybe, and Till slowly felt himself relaxing in the touch, eyes closing off.</p><p>He was patient – but out of the whole band, Schneider was probably the only one who could beat him at that, when he put his mind to it, and Till had an inkling the drummer would not leave until he had an answer.</p><p>Or until someone else went in his room, but then two people would be asking questions.</p><p>It was probably best to go through it now and be left in peace afterwards.</p><p>“You should get another singer,” Till finally said, words coming out like paper sand on his tongue.</p><p>Schneider’s hand stilled in his hair.</p><p>“We should <em>what</em>?” he asked incredulously.</p><p>“You should get another singer,” Till repeated in a mumble.</p><p>“That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard you say,” Schneider said firmly before shaking his shoulder a little, forcing Till to open his eyes to look at him. “<em>Why on Earth would we do that?</em> Half of our fans’ interest in us is because of your voice and your presence on stage.”</p><p>Till looked away, swallowing around the lump in his throat.</p><p>“You said it yourself, Doom, I can’t sing,” he mumbled, turning on his side so that he could curl on himself under the comforter.</p><p>Schneider stayed silent for a few seconds before petting his hair again.</p><p>“You didn’t know how to sing when we started out,” he finally said in a low voice, carefully choosing his words. “But that didn’t stop us from making a great first album. Besides, it’s better now that you’ve started taking singing classes. It will be even better on our next album,” he added more firmly.</p><p>“If there is another album,” Till mumbled in a muffled voice, drawing the comforter higher on his face.</p><p>Schneider’s hand paused again before resuming its soothing movement.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t there be one?” he asked, a little curious.</p><p>Till shrugged.</p><p>“You guys are fighting a lot,” he murmured in an even lower voice.</p><p>Schneider sighed.</p><p>“Guitarists troubles,” he mumbled before grazing Till’s head with his nails. “It would help if Richard could cut down on the coke, you know.”</p><p>Till hummed quietly but didn’t say anything. Schneider sighed over his head before petting his thigh, stretching his legs in front of him.</p><p>“Come here, now,” Schneider said quietly, the steel in his voice more present, hand unmoving in his hair.</p><p>Till remained where he was for a moment, hesitating, before moving himself a little until his head was now resting on Schneider’s thigh.</p><p>It was warm and firm under his head, and added to the hand in his hair, it made for quite a pleasant position. <em>Comfortable</em>, even – not that he would ever say anything as such out loud. He didn’t know how Schneider might react to it, and although he seemed completely at ease with physical proximity, he didn’t want to cross unseen lines.</p><p>Didn’t want to ask for more – <em>a lot more</em> – than could possibly be offered.</p><p>There were enough troubles in the band already. He would have to make do with the comfort he could take right now, no matter how much he might dream of something else…</p><p>“I want you to listen to me very carefully, Till,” Schneider finally said after a time in a low, controlled voice.</p><p>The steel in his tone immediately caught Till’s attention, gripping him from the base of his spine, goosebumps rising on his skin. He shivered a little before rolling on his head, head tilted over Schneider’s thigh, his eyes wide open as he focused on the thunderbolt-lined shape of the drummer.</p><p>“Rammstein works because it’s made of all six of us,” Schneider started in a low voice, hand unmoving in his hair, a serious expression in his face. “Not because there are six people in that band, but because it’s all six of us. It wouldn’t work as well if someone left, or someone was replaced. In fact,” and he paused for a brief instant, eyes searching across Till’s face, “it wouldn’t work at all without one of us. Do you understand?”</p><p>Till remained silent for a moment, looking at him with wide, searching eyes before slowly nodding.</p><p>“I understand,” he said quietly before tentatively pushing against Schneider’s hand.</p><p>The drummer smiled, eyes crinkling at the gesture, before starting to pet his hair.</p><p>“Now, as for your singing… it’s on a rising slop. You’ve come far, but there is still farther for you to go, and I have absolutely no doubt this will happen, especially if you keep up with your singing classes. Okay?”</p><p>His voice had been both gentle and steely, his touch pleasing in Till’s hair, and he felt a familiar heat pool at the bottom of his stomach. Blushing a little, and hoping it wasn’t visible in the darkness, he nodded again, a bashful expression.</p><p>“Yes,” he said quietly, the word <em>sir</em> almost spilling from his lips.</p><p>Schneider kept looking at him with a focused expression, eyes searching for something on his face. Till swallowed at the view, pushing down a strangled noise that meant to escape him, trying to enjoy Schneider’s hand in his hair without any unwanted reaction making itself known. He could hardly move back on his side now, where it would be easier to hide, but Schneider was holding him in position, until something changed on his face.</p><p>He had obviously found what he had been looking for, and Till wondered what it meant, until a calloused finger came to trace the line of his jaw, from ear to chin, before grazing a little lower. He twitched a little at the touch, feeling a shiver run through his skin as the heat on his cheeks intensified.</p><p>Schneider didn’t say anything, only kept petting his hair and drawing the lines of his face with his index. There was a change in his demeanor, he could see as much – he just couldn’t tell what had changed, except that Schneider’s hand on his body felt <em>good</em>, and his voice even better.</p><p>“You like that,” Schneider finally said after a time, voice calm and entirely in control, “being told what to do. Being given orders. Don’t you, Till?”</p><p>Till swallowed loudly, Adam’s apple bobbling, before nodding, cheeks on fire, bashfulness radiating from his every pore.</p><p>“Yes,” he said quietly, hesitating over the last word. “Sir.”</p><p>Schneider nodded.</p><p>“Good,” he said with approbation clear in his voice, smiling a little. “Because I like giving orders, as you probably noticed.”</p><p>Till nodded but didn’t say anything, not sure he was supposed to speak up – he had an inkling where this was going and couldn’t actually believe his luck.</p><p>“Have you tried before? You can speak freely, you know,” Schneider added, voice gentle, running his hair around his fingers.</p><p>“I know a dominatrix,” Till said quietly, briefly looking at him in the eyes before looking away, “as you know. But it’s not…” he sighed a little, “I don’t know, it doesn’t… it’s not as fulfilling as I thought it could be.”</p><p>Schneider nodded thoughtfully.</p><p>“And with men?” he asked, still with the same gentle voice.</p><p>Till shifted a little from his position, a bit uncomfortable.</p><p>“I had sex with men.”</p><p>“I’m aware.”</p><p>He smiled briefly, and Till hesitantly smiled back, cheeks still red.</p><p>“I didn’t try <em>that</em>, “he gestured over his head, Schneider still smiling down gently at him, “with any of them. None of them gave me the feeling it could actually work. Well, not the way I would want it to.”</p><p>Schneider nodded, still petting his hair.</p><p>“I suppose most people expect to you to take on a more dominating role in the bedroom,” he said, Till nodding at his words. “But you would prefer not to. Am I wrong?”</p><p>Till shook his head almost before he had finished speaking up, eagerness written on his face, arousal slowly waking up in his veins.</p><p>“I <em>do</em> have experience,” Schneider went on, “taking on that dominating role. Is it something that would interest you?”</p><p>Till nodded enthusiastically before his eagerness abated and he frowned a little.</p><p>“Would sex be on the table?” he asked quietly.</p><p>There was something soft in Schneider’s eyes when he opened his mouth again.</p><p>“It can be. Would you like it?”</p><p>“Would you?”</p><p>Schneider looked at him with perusing eyes.</p><p>“Yes. You are a very attractive man, Till, and don’t contradict me on that,” he added a bit more forcefully when Till opened his mouth to protest, “and I would very much enjoy sleeping with you. Whether scenes happen or not,” he added after a pause.</p><p>Till nodded but didn’t say anything, heartbeat picking up a bit at the perspectives that were opening themselves to him. Of all the outcomes he might have envisioned, he couldn’t quite believe how lucky he was…</p><p>“Is it something you could envision?” Schneider asked after a time, steel patience ever present in his voice.</p><p>Till looked up to him and suddenly realized he was still waiting for a reaction, one eyebrow raised in expectation.</p><p>“Oh! Yeah. Sure,” he said clumsily, the words almost stepping over themselves in front of Schneider’s piercing gaze. “I mean, yes, sir.”</p><p>Schneider kept looking at him for a few seconds before nodding, another smile gracing his smile.</p><p>“Very good, then,” he said quietly. “So, there will be rules to go over, and lists to make, but… do you want to give it a light try?”</p><p>“Now?” Till asked, trying to hide his enthusiasm – and apparently failing, if the amused light in Schneider’s eyes was anything to go by.</p><p>“Well, yes. We still have some time before dinner…”</p><p>Till enthusiastically nodded and Schneider laughed a little at that before tugging lightly at his hair.</p><p>“Very well… On the bed, then,” he said in a more forceful tone, still smiling as Till moved in an upwards position and then throw himself on the mattress, comforter forgotten at his feet.</p><p>Till huffed a little at the change of position, head a bit dizzy, before settling in a sitting position, on his heels, waiting for Schneider to join him with hopeful eyes. The perspective of not being alone with his thoughts anymore, of giving the reins to someone else was more than alluring right now, and he was quite glad Schneider was the one to had come visit him that day.</p><p>A whole new world of possibilities had just opened to him.</p>
<hr/><p>Later that night, when they came down for dinner, relaxed and settled in the aftermath of a successful, orgasmic session, they found the rest of the band waiting for them in the lobby of the hotel, happily chatting together. Schneider squeezed Till’s neck as they approached, fingers drifting along sensitive skin, before letting go – and then immediately spotted Richard’s eyes on him, squinting a little at the gesture. The guitarist didn’t say anything, only joined Till immediately, animatedly including him in the discussion – and Schneider wondered if he would have to deal with oblivious jealousy on top of everything else.</p><p>Meeting Ollie’s amused gaze, he shrugged a little before joining the rest of their bandmates as they decided to which restaurant go for dinner. Well, at least, he wouldn’t be alone dealing with <em>that</em> – and if it could change the dynamics of the band for the best, well, who was he to complain about it?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you liked this story, please consider leaving a comment.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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